For February 5, 2015
It’s probably easier for others, but for me the hardest thing to do is to be truly vulnerable to another person. It’s something I think I’m still working my way up to. I dream that doing so will unlock something inside of me, something that has held me back.
Therapy hasn’t been able to help me figure out what is holding me back. Being seen is uncomfortable. Why did I develop the preference for not being seen, or for being seen only from certain angles? Where does the shame come from, the feeling that if the truth were known then that would be the end of everything?
I’m working up to it. This here is also therapy. No one reads this and that’s fine because the point isn’t whether it’s read — at least that’s not the point now — the point is to say it, to write it, to put it out into the world. It’s a start.
Baby I’ll be tough enough
If I can find the guts to give you all my love
(Bruce Springsteen – “Real Man”)